I originally wrote this post in 2017. I told this story several times and even included it in my recently published book, “The Neuroscience of Leadership: Rewire. Untangle. Lead.” The story is silly at best, yet it illustrates an important point. We often wish we could snap our fingers and change our behavior. More often, we wish we could snap our fingers and see others change their behavior. If only…
A few years ago, some of my Silicon Valley executive coaching clients asked if I had seen the Bob Newhart “Stop It” video. It was circulating in their company. When I saw it, I understood why they wanted me to watch it.
Bob Newhart plays a psychologist, Dr. Switzer, meeting with a patient, Katherine, who wants to overcome her fear of being buried alive in a box. Dr. Switzer tells Katherine that he charges $5 and can guarantee that the session will last no longer than five minutes.
Katherine explains that her long-held fear of being buried alive prevents her from entering tunnels, elevators, houses, or anything “boxy-shaped.” Dr. Switzer then asks her if she is claustrophobic. Katherine reluctantly responds, “Yes.” He tells her he'll give her a two-word solution she can take with her.
Katherine eagerly takes out a pen and pad, ready for this important advice. Newhart leans in across his desk and sharply barks, “Stop it!” Bewildered, she asks him what he means. He repeats, “Stop it,” over and over again. He adds that it would be terrifying to live her life afraid of being buried alive in a box and she needs to “Stop it!”
Katherine then shares a litany of fears and phobias, to which Dr. Switzer answers, “Stop it.” The skit ends hilariously, but it also leaves the viewer wondering why we can’t just stop self-sabotaging habits and behavior.
We Can Stop It--Thanks to Neuroplasticity
Bob Newhart, playing Dr. Switzer, was right, although he left out a few steps. Thanks to new findings in neuroscience, specifically neuroplasticity, we can stop self-sabotaging behavior. Norman Doidge, in his 2015 book The Brain's Way of Healing, describes neuroplasticity as our ability to change our brain's structure and function “...in response to activity and mental experience”. So consider Katherine, who was afraid of being buried alive. Applying neuroplasticity, Dr. Switzer could facilitate a discovery process to help Katherine uncover when this belief took root. He could also help her discover that her fear, driven by an emotional memory, was undoubtedly valid in the moment, yet no longer serves her. He could explain that based on this early memory, the neurons in her brain wired together so that when faced with a closed-in space, she froze in fear.
Dr. Switzer can invite Katherine to identify a new, empowering belief (e.g., “I am safe in closed spaces”) and then have her repeatedly enter a closed space. By repeating this new behavior, Katherine will rewire the neural pathways in her brain, creating a new habit. She will, in essence, be able to stop the old behavior.
How Leaders Can “Stop It”
In a business context, if you are a leader who wants to change automatic behaviors that are holding back your career progression, the same principles apply. For instance, consider a leader who needs to delegate more and concentrate on strategy. An executive coach trained in neuroscience principles can be very helpful here. The coach can help the leader identify the beliefs or assumptions that are guiding her seemingly automatic behavior of doing tasks herself.
In work I did with one leader, we discovered that her unconscious, unexplored belief was, “If I don’t do it, it will get messed up and I will be a failure.” I facilitated a process that helped her see this belief as an illusion. It was not true. With guidance, she realized a more empowering belief: “I can let go, and others will learn.” I encouraged her to repeatedly delegate without abdicating. That is, she learned to provide clearer directions for the “what” she wanted and let go of how it was done. Repeating this new behavior created a new neural pathway in her brain. In time, delegating became a new habit.
The bottom line is that we can shape our mind and shape our habits. We can rewire our neurons and our brains. We can “stop it.” What automatic behaviors are getting in the way of your more effective leadership?
Check out Stop It clip on YouTube